STUCK by Maggie Thompson-Kovach

I did it again,

I fucked everything up

I did it again,

I feel so fucking stuck.

I did it again,

I looked deep into the mirror

I wish that who was looking back

would look a little clearer.

I fucked up again,

it's the thousandth fucking time

how did I not see this coming

how am I so blind?

People used to look to me

to be their inspiration

But the only thing I have to offer

Would cause some indignation

this is what you get

when you don't listen to your gut.

this is what you get

when you're stuck within a rut.

This is what you get

when you just want to wake up...

Still wouldn't matter what you saw

because everything is fucked.

this is what you get

when you wish you could stay sober...

this is what you get

when you wish it was all over.

every time I try it seems the universe kicks back

every time I try I really wish I stayed on track

but this is my confession,

this is my obsession

barely some progression,

I can't deal with this depression .

every time I look upon who's staring back at me

it seems like the ugliest person

That I have ever seen.

I want to be okay, I want to be so different.

I want to play the game

and I want to be consistent.

I want to be much better,.

But I'm stuck inside this prison.

I want to be much better,

But this was my decision.

I can't imagine life

In any other way

I smoke two thousand cigarettes

and act like I'm okay

but really in reality my sanity's at Bay

I wish that all the demons

would just go the fuck away!

I'm pretty sure that you all know,

my life is so transparent.

Explosions through my brain

are so abruptly most apparent.

so if you ask me questions,

don't believe me when I say...

I'm doing fine not doing crime,

I'm definitely okay.

I'm not okay,

but I have hope that this will someday change

and maybe in another world I can rearrange.

some of the words I say out loud

may seem a little strange

but all I've ever wanted

is to change my fucking brain